Things we take for granted: Toes
How are you doing? Probably drifting through life aimlessly like a glass bottle thrown at One Direction at the Grammys by Stevie Wonder. Well get a hold of yourselves and listen. Life may be full of disappointment like the Kardashian household, which would drive even unrelated men to grow breasts and start wearing skirts. But let’s make sure that we don’t populate the list of disappointments with things we take for granted, such as toes!
Toes are the 10 ugly things that make your life miserable when you hit them against the table leg and also what turns on Quentin Tarantino. But unless you are a genius screenwriter/director the odds are you are taking them toes for granted.
Sure, ever since we climbed down from the trees and lost the ability to use our toes to collect fleas from our hairy backs, they might seem evolutionary obsolete. But just like Japanese phablets from 6 months ago or your grandma, this doesn’t necessary mean we need to burn them and scatter the ashes over the ocean. First of all what are you going to do with slippers? Bite them and pee over the neighbor’s fence? Secondly how are you going to pickup pensils, underwear and phone chargers off the ground? Unless you are a jedi or you are Spiderman equipped with sticky hands and your perception of floor is quite wide, you most probably will need some toes. What about ballerinas? Do you want them all to be short, disproportionate and limping like Snooki?
Now consider the following. You are stranded on a deserted island and for whatever reason both of your arms were cut clean off after the plane crash. Now on top of that, you are there with Quentin Tarantino. As a matter of fact he cut your arms off. I think it is quite obvious that your feet will need some extra help from your toes to strangle Quentin, then build a raft and get the fuck out of there. Sure Wilson will have a slightly different expression but at least you will be alive to enjoy it.
Taking all this into account it is clear that toes are as vital or even more than all the other so called organs. Most of them you can’t even see and you just have to blindly take your doctor’s word for it when she asks for money to fix them. So thank you socks for keeping our toes warm and sandals for showing them off. And thank you my high school desk mate for wearing them both at the same time and spitting virginity loss in the face. Please don’t take your toes for granted and appreciate their irregular but surprisingly practical beauty.
Tune in next time for another installment of Things we take for granted when we will take a closer look at mobile game developers and the Holocaust.